Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There r osticjed everywhere
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
