jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
