Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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