Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
