I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
