problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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