Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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