girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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