Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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