I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
