he wants to bone in the snuggie
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
