I think my fart just growled at me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
