There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
