I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
