so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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