You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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