did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
