In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
