I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't deserve a penis
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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