If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
