it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
