apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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