Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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