I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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