I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
