miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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