She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
