I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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