I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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