Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
