Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
