I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
