dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
