I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
honey bunches of taint.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
