Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
