if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
