I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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