omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
