yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
