i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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