You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
