if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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