I cut my penus on the lid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
