My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think i have two assholes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize