If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
