Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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