I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
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I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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