I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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