If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
