maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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