Can i not drive my cunt home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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