i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
