every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
