having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
