the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
