he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
