Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
