new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I still have a little drunk in my system
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
