There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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