We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
