I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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