3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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