He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
