They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
