And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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