just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
