my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
