I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
