She is in my trunk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
