You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
