i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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