Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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