WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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