whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
