forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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